Some Fake New Year’s Resolutions for Real Pennsylvania Lawmakers

(AP Photo/David Dermer)

By The Keystone Staff

January 2, 2023

New Year’s resolutions usually aren’t fun to keep. But they’re fun to think about. They’re even more fun when you make resolutions for others. Check out our list of fake resolutions for real politicians.

We make New Year’s resolutions each year with the best of intentions. Then, by mid-January, many of us resolve to never make a New Year’s resolution again.

New Year’s resolutions are just lip service we pay to ourselves as a self-motivation tool. But they’re fun to think about. They’re especially fun to think about when you make resolutions for others, like certain Pennsylvania lawmakers.

Just imagine if these lawmakers resolved to do the following:

US Senator-elect John Fetterman

“I will continue to dress like a toddler that listens to Limp Bizkit, even on Capitol Hill.”

State Sen. Doug Mastriano 

“I will treat people who hold different beliefs than me as equals.”

US Rep. Scott Perry

“I will admit that a military-grade Italian satellite was not the reason Trump lost the 2020 election.”

Governor-elect Josh Shapiro

“I pledge to provide all Pennsylvanians who couldn’t buy Taylor Swift tickets with free tickets to see ZZ Top and Lynyrd Skynyrd in Hershey on Sept. 9.”

US Rep. Glenn Thompson

“I’m going to stop voting against gay marriage just days before attending same-sex weddings.”

State Sen. Christine Tartaglione

“I’m finally going to get legislation passed this year to increase Pennsylvania’s minimum wage.”


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